Comparison in recovery is normal, but it doesn't have to be permanent. Here's how to stop it from running your recovery.
Comparison was one of the biggest struggles in my own recovery. I compared myself to all of my friends and my family, but especially to my twin sister. I wanted her to eat more than me, or at least the same amount. If I ate more than her, it made me feel like I was eating too much, like I was being greedy, like I was eating more food than I needed or deserved. I also compared our bodies — her proportions seemed perfect to me, and mine felt like a failure next to them.
This isn't unusual. Eating disorders thrive on comparison. They use it to keep you doubting your own needs, your own hunger and your own worth. The comparison and competition I felt were the result of my own perfectionistic personality — wanting to be better than everyone at academics, at sport, and at eating. At the time, not eating was the one thing I felt I was good at.
When you're constantly comparing, your mood starts depending on what other people eat and how their bodies look. That hands the eating disorder complete control. You can't control what others eat, so you'll never win that game — you'll just exhaust yourself trying.
Many of us recover around people who are dieting, restricting or over-exercising. When I was isolating with family members who had their own food issues, I had to be direct about it. Communication is key: tell them which conversation topics, comments or behaviours are triggering, and agree together on what you'd rather not discuss. Their choices are about them, not about you — and your recovery is not up for negotiation with anyone else's diet.
Life is too short to count every step, to track every calorie, and to live stuck inside your head comparing yourself to everyone around you. You deserve to focus on your own health above all else. So just eat. Have the ice cream, the pizza, the chocolate cake. Remind yourself of your own goals and motivations and go for it. Have the rest day, do what you enjoy, and enjoy what you do. Yes, it will be tough. Yes, the anxiety will come. But it does pass. As with everything in recovery, practice makes perfect — the storm will pass.
Comparison is a core feature of eating disorders. It's driven by perfectionism and insecurity, and it was a huge part of my own struggle, especially with my twin sister. I wanted her to eat at least the same amount as me, and if I ate more, I felt like I was being greedy or eating more than I deserved. It's normal, but it doesn't need to be normalised.
Remind yourself that every person has different needs on different days. Comparing your plate to someone else's is comparing two entirely different bodies and situations. When you notice yourself scanning someone else's food, name it as the eating disorder talking, then bring your attention back to your own recovery. With practice, the urge to compare loses its power.
Communication is key. Tell them openly which topics, comments or behaviours are triggering for you and how they make you feel. You can also agree on topics you'd rather avoid. Remember that their food choices are about them, not about you, and your recovery needs are not up for comparison with anyone else's.
Stop body checking, starting with the scales. Unfollow accounts that trigger the comparison mindset and follow body-neutral or body-positive ones instead, or take a social media break. Love yourself in the moment: buy clothes that fit you now, do things you enjoy now, and take rest. Little actions that show you matter make comparison lose its grip.
Yes, it is incredibly common, and it is one of the things I struggled with most. But normal doesn't mean helpful. Comparison is the eating disorder's way of keeping you doubting yourself. It gets quieter the more you challenge it and the more you focus on your own recovery. Practice makes perfect, and the anxiety does pass.